Fancy a Cup of Tea? (England 2009)

SALISBURY

We were prepared for a cross-country train ride early in the morning from Scotland. Our first stop was to be London, England.  It was during this train trip that dad had decided to unload the pics and video from our Scotland journey. He got a few, and the computer somehow destroyed the rest of them. What a pity. I wrote in my travel journal on the train. During one stop, dad got up to use the toilet. When he did, a lad sat down in his seat.  Dad came back through and sat next to her. “Did I pinch your seat love?” she said. Dad looked around with confusion and said, “I don’t think so”.  Eventually we arrived in London for what would be a series of extremely confusing hops from underground subways just to get us to our train. It was not user friendly at all. One wrong move, and you miss your train. Oh, and get used to the phrase “Mind the Gap”, because it is said repetitively on the underground.

Finally, we arrived in Salisbury. When we arrived there was a delightful English mist about. Our cab driver, Vic, was about as friendly and helpful as could be. He gave us the cheapest deal and told us the most convenient routes, as well as a few history lessons. He took us first to Stonehenge, one of the most anticipated places we had on our whole trip. We pulled up to the visitor’s entrance on the other side. It was drizzling rain just slightly. We paid our way in, and proceeded under the bridge. There was a mural depiction of the way Stonehenge may have been at one time on the wall under the bridge. As we walked the pathway, it started to incline and the Neolithic stones slowly came into view. It was rising from the ground, in effect, as if god were presenting them to us. It was one of the most amazing sights to behold. “We are actually here at Stonehenge”, my inner dialogue was screaming repetitively. Sal and I were extremely giddy, while Dad was a bit too concerned with making a video for his YouTube channel. We took several pictures and video. I had an audio guide in my ear at one point, just listening to the history, theories, and legends associates with Stonehenge. After a stop in the gift shop, where I bought a charm for my necklace and a patch for my travel bag, we cabbed over to our hostel.

We pulled up to a hostel that looked like an old plantation home in the south, only it had a very English backdrop. After getting inside, we went to the front desk to discover an Aussie behind the counter. I spotted his accent, and he told us how he had family in England. We got situated in our room, and headed out for some eats. We came across a “Pizza Express”, or as they say, “PitzerExpress”. We were recommended this place from Barry & Sue, from back home. Our waitress was unbelievable gorgeous with her incredibly in shape body and adorable accent. I tried to steal a few pics of her. Finally our pizza arrived, and to our surprise it was whole, and not sliced. I bit into it only to find that it was extremely bland. The tomato sauce tasted like reduced sodium tomato soup. We cracked some pepper on to spice it up a bit.  I looked around and to my surprise the English were eating with a knife and fork. That’s why the Pizza comes out whole, I concluded, they eat “properly” here in England. There I was folding mine and eating it like a god damned American barbarian. 

After dinner, we thought the local Starbucks would be a grand place to stop. There, Sal and I got our favored Americanos, and sat while dad checked his mail and such. I saw two beautiful English girls, and decided to engage them. I walked up and asked about a local pub, and what there was to do around town while we were here. They were extremely helpful and did I mention attractive? They recommended that we seek the Salisbury Cathedral the next day.  She gave us all the unique info concerning the 10^th century cathedral, among the many other topics that we discussed. We eventually departed and I received a kiss on the cheek for the road. Then, we hit the streets again. We looked for a pub in the still slightly rainy weather. After wondering half the town to find nothing of interest, we headed back to the hostel. There, we decided to get a pint or two…Ok maybe more. We sat in the common room, where we met a chap from New Zealand, who I accused of sounding like Peter Jackson, and a bloke from the north of England. He (English gentleman) was telling us the rules of playing English pool, which we happen to be watching on TV. I, during that time had received the first taste of inebriation of the entire trip. I was on my third Guinness and had become fascinated with the way it was served. You see, the Aussie gentleman had a little machine that, after pouring a bit of water on it, and pouring the Guinness from a unique can into a pint glass, would send sonar through the glass and give it head. It tasted fresh from the draft! Brilliant! As they say… We decided (Sal and I) to purchase our flight to Cork, Ireland. So, there we have it, we were destined to see Eire! We were so excited to get to go there! Towards the end of the night, dad and I discovered these German girls that were a college class staying in the hostel to learn of geography from around the world. I saw whispering amongst them, while dad and I were conversing with the group. Who knows what for. There were quite a few that were very attractive. God, I hate being looked at like a piece of meat…. (That was a joke). Sal and I made a short video once were back in our room, and then hit the sack for the night.

Salisbury Cathedral

We awoke the next day with the plans to see Salisbury Cathedral. We first came to the breakfast table, where we saw the familiar faces of the German people we had met the previous night. The Australian gentleman was serving a buffet style breakfast, containing all the appropriate things to make a good English breakfast.  We went to Starbucks for some coffee and Wi-Fi, then to the phone place for a sim for Sal. Dad also mailed some things. Then, we called Vic, and we were taken to the cathedral, not without extra information from Vic about what rooms to see within. One that he had mentioned was the room that held the actual Magna Carta signed by Prince John. As we pulled up, there was a lot of excitement. I was amazed at how tall and intricate the cathedral was. The steeple is the tallest structure in all of the UK! Inside, I found several tombs that held knights that had been there since the 1200’s. The stained glass was breath-taking as well. We mazed our way through, until it was time to go back to the train station for Manchester.

MANCHESTER

After we got into London, we decided to see if we could spend a little time there to see the sights. I was getting irritated, because I was pretty confident we had to make our destined train, not just any train that happened to be there. After dad had some accent trouble on the phone and Sal had returned from the loo.  we had to fly to get there in 5 minutes, but we still had the bloody undergrounds to take. Needless to say we didn’t make the train, but on the way I was placing my luggage in front of me on the escalator and my luggage had gotten its own step as they unfolded and I started to topple backwards onto Sal and Dad. I was already mad, and that had been the icing on the cake. We stood in line to board, and the gentleman let us get on a different train with no charge for it, luckily. We saw that our seats were taken and tried to get them from the people sitting in them, when we realized that we weren’t on our original train. So, we sat in the available seats and appologised.

At "The Bull's Head"

We arrived in Handsforth and checked in at the Hallmark hotel, AKA The old Belfry. I must tell you, that Lucy, at the front desk won my heart. She was the most gorgeous piece of England I had seen so far. She had the cutest laugh to go with her blonde, shoulder length hair, and brown eyes.  Not to mention, she had an English accent. We got our things in the room and decided that dinner was the next thing to do. We went to “The Bull’s Head” Pub as recommended by Barry and Sue. I had a Pint of John Smith’s, which was fantastic, and some Fish – n – Chips, while Sal got a meat pie, and Dad got something that I cannot recall. The food, however, was delicious. 

The next day, we got breakfast. I got to try black pudding for the first time. We wanted to catch a train to Manchester, but dad had to be back at 5 that evening. However, we were looking for the rail station that day after browsing the second hand store, and I came up on a fellow to ask for directions, only to find that he was blind. He pointed us the right way, and Dad had made a joke to me when walking away about asking a blind person to point the way. I told Dad that he was blind, not deaf, and to keep his voice down. However blind he was, he did get us to the train station for schedules and pricing. We decided to go across the street to the pub there called “The Rail Station”, where they had a Laurel & Hardy room. This was another recommended place from the infamous Barry and Sue. We went back to the hostel for a bit, and then Sal and I went back out to find a Sim card. Sal got one and exchanged some money for pounds. I picked up some Guinness cans from the Tesco for later.

We woke up to another delicious breakfast the next morning and decided we (Sal & I) needed to get our laundry done. We went to the launderette and they said that they were booked up on people. So, we found a cab to take us to Wilmslow. There we found a few secondhand stores, and a launderette that would prove to be a little inconvenient for us. The driver seemed to be in a bit of a scheduling conflict, so he said that he would talk to the lady in Handsforth about laundry and get it done. He also asked if we minded if he picked up a few of his mates. We agreed (as if we had a choice). We pulled up to a house and they got in. We were packed in like sardines while we were once again stuck in what seemed like a Britcom. Back and forth convo’s between me, the driver, and Sal, and our new guests.

Here’s an example of the kind of conversation we had:

Girl Mate: Where ya from then?

Sal: Oklahoma

Guy Mate: Oh, zat right? Whatcha doin in Ahnsforf (Handsforth)?

Me: Just visiting, we were looking for a launderette, with no luck so far.

Driver: yeah, I’m just gonna teke em’ to the one in town. Doesn’t your mum do laundry? (To girl mate)

Girl Mate: Oh, I spose I could ask, oh, but she’s out in town shoppin

Sal: It’s no big deal really, we’ll just do it at the one in town.

The Old Belfry

…and the convo went on and on as if they didn’t pick up on our irritation from the fact that it was so damned difficult to get our laundry done, or that we weren’t much of a priority to the driver, or that we were cramped in with strangers. We finally pulled up to the Handsforth launderette, where the driver lied and told the lady we would be leaving in the morning and needed laundry done by then. He was extremely pushy, which made it awkward for us. We were happy to get that out of the way nonetheless.

We decided to pick up our laundry, but we did so after 2PM. They close after 2. So, the lie the driver gave will not hold up now… We were invited to a “girl’s night out” by a girl we had met at lunch while at the Bull's Head, so we decided to go to a Tesco to get Sal a shirt to wear. We  decided that money was a little too tight for us to go to the place the girls were going. It was a real shame to not have stories to tell from that night. I wish more than anything that we had the money to join her and her girls. We instead, went to the pub that night. That night Sal and I watched British comedy shows and drank tea/Guinness in the room. We got a decent pisser going and went to bed.

Our hidden pee spot

Sunday, we decided to get our laundry. Dad paid Sal and I to switch rooms that night for 50 quid (split). Dad, his girlfriend, Sal, and I all went into Manchester that evening. We saw the Manchester United field. We also ate at a strange Spanish restaurant. My least favorite meal on the trip so far. Later that night, we all went to “The Bull’s Head” for some pints. There we flirted with Georgina, and talked with some new friends we had met during the seminar. After they had left, Sal and I closed the pub down. We had a great pisser going and had a deep, meaningful talk about family. We stumbled on home and passed a bunch of closed down shops, and we were starving. Alas, there was one still lit up. We both looked inside, and an Indian girl raised her head as if she was delighted to see us. The place was called “Kansas Fried Chicken”. Sal and I got our chicken and walked towards the Old Belfry Hotel, but not before I stopped and used my favorite hidden pee spot.  I was walking through the empty streets when I dropped my last chicken wing. I looked at the wing, then looked at Sal, and said, “How long is that rule again?” I picked up the wing and continued our march home. I’m sure the nearby sheep found it funny.

Monday came, and I told dad about the place we heard about at the bar the previous night called Alderly Edge. Alderly Edge was a town that had a nature trail that lead to a scenic edge. It was one of the rumored resting places, although least likely so, of King Arthur of legend. It was said that when Britain was in a time of peril, He shall rise to reunite England. We walked around and enjoyed the Geology of the place with a seemingly pouty woman. (Dad’s girlfriend) She was trailing behind a lot. 

We took some pictures of the forest, which looked as if knights could come galloping in at any moment, or Robin Hood could jump out of the trees to greet us. Dad shot some video for his YouTube. Towards the end we posed in front of a tree that was bowed up. An old Englishman offered to take a picture of the three of us. We handed him the camera, and he said “thanks very much”, and started to walk off jokingly. We ate at the Wizard’s Pub just after that. We had huge sandwiches there and house ale. I wrapped the other half of my egg salad sandwich for the plane ride we were about to take to Ireland. Dad’s girlfriend left early, and was a bit pissed off. We waited for our cab outside to take us to the airport.

The Wizard of Edge Pub